Dino Baskovic Can’t Lose

Microsoft issues critical alert: Jennifer Aniston on the prowl

CNET News reports that the Seattle night scene is dried up and migrating northeast to Redmond:

For the second day, Global Security has received an unconfirmed report of a possible cougar sighting, this time near building 32.

Microsoft Security will conduct frequent patrols of all wooded areas of the campus, and will work with the State Department of Fish & Wildlife and other experts to assess the situation and provide further updates, as appropriate.  In the meantime, we ask that all employees exercise appropriate caution, particularly in remote or wooded areas of campus. If you meet a cougar:

• Never approach a cougar. Although cougars will normally avoid a confrontation, all cougars are unpredictable. Cougars feeding on a kill may be dangerous.
• Always give a cougar an avenue of escape.
• Stay calm. Talk to the cougar in a confident voice.
• Pick all children up off the ground immediately. Children frighten easily and their rapid movements may provoke an attack.
• Do not run. Try to back away from the cougar slowly. Sudden movement or flight may trigger an instinctive attack. Do not turn your back on the cougar. Face the cougar and remain upright.
• Do all you can to enlarge your image. Don't crouch down or try to hide. Pick up sticks or branches and wave them about.

Hat tip to TechFlash for leaking the memo.  Calls to Halle Berry's agent went unanswered.

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• 18 September 2009
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